I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
