Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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