Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
