Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
