You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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