I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
