It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
