1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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