you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
