I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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