all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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