i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
