whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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