I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
