Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
