TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
