he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize