I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just gargled with NyQuil
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm like, not good at living.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
