I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
