He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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