dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
