You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
