i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
