I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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