Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
