Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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