I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Randomize
