Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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