he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
