At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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