Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
