Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
please come you make the beer taste better
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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