I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
