just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
