I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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