Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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