Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
