Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
