I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
