And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
