Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
