Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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