i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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