Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
