Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
