I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
