I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
