my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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