I could make wine with my vomit
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize