Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
