Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
