you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
