I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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