i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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