she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
