you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
