I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
