OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
