i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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