This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
